Letting Go

I'm a pretty laid back guy. A lot of things don't bother me, but when they do, they really do. I thoroughly enjoy being around people and just love connecting with others. Relationships are crucial to me. I truly value deep, sincere relationships and love getting to connect on a deep level with people.

For the past few years, there has been one relationship with a guy that has been a huge struggle for me. The dynamics of this relationship didn't start out as personal, and we never really reached the level where I could call it a friendship. For the most part, the only thing I could really describe the relationship as is hurtful, disappointing, and dysfunctional.

One of the biggest problems, from my perspective, is that he has no clue. I've tried communicating it with him on several occasions, asked for his forgiveness for how I've treated him, and tried to just move on. All the while, I never received any acknowledgment from him that he did anything (good or bad).

This summer it all kinda came to a head. I walked around for about a month with bitterness oozing out of me. It not only affected my relationship with him, but it affected how I viewed other things as well. I could "smell" the stench of bitterness almost flowing out of my pores.

Finally, a few nights ago while I was running, I released him. I knew that Christ in me had already forgiven him and loved him. I didn't wait for the feeling of forgiveness to rush over me and for a warm feeling to lead me into releasing him, I chose to agree with my spirit, which is in perfect union with Christ, to forgive him.

I don't do this often, but I spoke it out loud. There was something in hearing my voice say, "I release _______ from all the hurt, bitterness, and resentment that I've held towards him. I choose to forgive him in my soul as Christ in my spirit already has. I know that the most natural thing for me to do is forgive as I've been given the mind of Christ, so I choose forgiveness."

I am thankful for this process and through it have been shown several areas in my own life and through this relationship where I was wrong. I was practically living as though I had unmet needs and was hoping he would meet some of them. Thankfully, in Christ, I am complete and satisfied. No need is unmet in Him. Also, through this, I'm reminded of how much I am blinded by what I can see physically or what I feel emotionally, instead of the deep reality of who I am in Christ, and who Christ is in me.

Thank God for this relationship! Through it, even though it's been incredibly difficult, I've been able to see the beauty and reality of His life, His work, and His love in and through me.

So, I've let go and I choose Christ. As I choose Christ, He lives His life through me, which will always lead to extending grace, forgiveness, and love to others, regardless of how they have treated me.